East to Weston (the Original)

Posted by hjw at 4:33 PM | Permalink | Comments

Posted by hjw at 7:20 PM | Permalink | Comments

For some reason, the thing I remember most clearly from that morning is the time on the clock. It was dark in the room, Caleb was sound asleep, the pain consumed me, and yet I took a moment of clarity to memorize the digital message: 3:43 a.m. Too early to be up. Why am I up? And then as I became more lucid, I was suddenly extremely aware of the intense pain in my back.

Oh no, say it isn’t so. The last time I felt pain like this it was a … but it can’t be, I don’t want it to be. It may have been 14 years ago, but I remember that pain, and it was really bad. I really didn’t want to do that one over again. But, though I try and deny it, but this was exactly the same kind of pain.

It took only moments to move from denial to acceptance. Kidney stone. And that means only one thing: emergency room. NOW.

The stupid things are measured in millimeters. MILLIMETERS! And yet they cause pain that most who’ve experienced them describe as “the worst pain I’ve ever felt.” How does something so small cause so much turbulence? And more importantly, how do I stop it??

Well, my groaning woke up Caleb, and within about 10 minutes we were dressed and on our way to the emergency room at St. Jude’s. I think we were there by a little after 4 a.m. They made me answer some questions, sent me to pee in a cup, and eventually gave me a room, with a warm hospital gown and a warm blanket … and best of all, pain medication. Ah, sweet relief was on its way!

They drew blood, started me on an IV, and gave me the first dose of pain meds. Then the second dose. Then a third dose to help with the nausea often induced by the second dose. People came and went from the room … the nurse with the pain meds, the doctor assuring me they’d check me out, the guy taking the blood sample, and then the guy who wheeled me to the CAT scan room. His name was Michael. Another thing I remember clearly. The CAT scan was how they determined that it was, indeed, a kidney stone. Caleb got to watch the digital pictures of my insides with the CAT scan tech. He thought that was cool. I just wanted more pain medication … which they gave me after I was wheeled back to my room.

That fourth dose of meds took the last of the lingering pain away, and left me feeling warm and fuzzy all over. But it also left me extremely woozy. By about 6:30 they released me from the hospital, and into a weekend of more pain and extreme nausea. I spent all day Saturday and Sunday unable to keep any food down, feeling pretty miserable. By late Sunday night the nausea finally abated, and I was able to eat a piece of bread. I’ve never been so excited for a piece of bread in my life. I spent Monday and Tuesday recovering from Saturday and Sunday, mostly eating and sleeping, and by Wednesday morning was back at work. Although, I only made it until 12:30.

Today is Thursday. I still haven’t passed the stone, but for some reason am not feeling much pain. So I’m medication-free for the time being. I suppose I could have passed it without knowing, but I’m pretty sure that hasn’t happened. And I’m dreading that now-familiar feeling of the pain returning, reminding me of the slightly-larger-than-a-piece-of-sand sized stone wreaking havoc within me.

They say men call kidney stones the worst pain they’ve ever felt, while women tend to liken them to childbirth. My aunt, whose had both, always said she preferred childbirth, because at least when it was over she had something to show for it. I’ve never given birth, so I stick with the men for now and simply call it the worst pain I’ve known. And maybe I’ve proven I’ll make it through childbirth some day.

I guess today I just say thank God for prescription narcotics, warm hospital blankets and the most patient and caring husband a woman could ask for. I don’t know what I would have done without them.

Posted by hjw at 8:21 PM | Permalink | Comments

Weight loss has to be one of the hardest endeavors I have ever undertaken. There is just no easy way around it, if I want to lose weight I have to constantly eat the right things, and I must exercise … regularly! And being as how I still have about 25 pounds to lose, still more than half my original goal, I sometimes look at the road ahead with a sense of profound weariness. I find my motivation waning, my enthusiasm dissipating. I’ve already been at this so long, and I just want to be finished.

In the last two months I lost all of three pounds, one of which I gained back over a weekend I decided to eat chocolate chip cookies like they were just chips.

I suddenly realized my whole plan was under attack. I was still working out in the mornings, but skipping more days than I really should have. And I was cheating more and more with foods I should have been saying “no” to. Slowly but surely, though for the most part I wasn’t gaining anything back, I was no longer losing.

I think there are a couple factors contributing to my current plateau. One, I’m a little tired of all the early morning exercising and the daily denial of things I want. Two, I’ve had to toss half my wardrobe already, indicating some real success in the past several months … and I started really enjoying how much I’ve already lost (nearly 20 pounds … nothing to shake a fist at, I realize). My satisfaction with what I’ve already done began to overshadow the need to lose any more. And three, selfish desires and a loss of vision just plain took over.

But I don’t want to settle for half way! Especially when I KNOW I can do this. So, I’m revamping. I’m ready to attack this goal again, its time to get back to regular weight loss. At the rate I’ve BEEN going, I wouldn’t reach my goals until 2010, and that is simply unacceptable, Soldier!

Whoa, sorry.

Anyway, I’ve done it once already, so there’s no excuse to thinking I couldn’t do it again. If I lost 20 pounds once, why can’t I do it again? No reason, I say. No reason at all. Besides, its time to push on and get myself to the true finish line.

My reasons now are borne more out of frustration and an overwhelming desire to just be DONE with the weight loss part of my life and get onto weight maintenance. Maintenance is not simple, but it’s sure easier than loss. Loss requires harder exercising and more restrictive eating. Maintenance allows for a few more treats here and there, and I like treats.

So I made a plan for myself, an ambitious plan. I want to be done by September 1. If I lose 1.5 pounds a week until then, I’ll be there. I’ll be at my goal. Yes, its ambitious. But I’ve already proven to myself that when I’m focused and determined, I CAN lose that pound-and-a-half a week! I CAN! And the sooner I get it done, the sooner it will be … well … done. And the vision of myself a few sizes smaller, the one I see so clearly in my mind’s eye, will be a reality. Look out Brea Mall!!

This is my first week back on strict weight-loss habits. I’ll let you know how it goes.

Posted by hjw at 11:09 AM | Permalink | Comments

I have finally gotten around to scanning a bunch of my pictures from my years in China ... yes, days BEFORE digital! I've only just started uploading the pictures I scanned, but if you're interested in taking a look at what I've got so far, click here. I'll also put a link on the "bookmark" at the right. More to come!

Posted by hjw at 10:22 PM | Permalink | Comments

Posted by hjw at 8:52 PM | Permalink | Comments

Last year at this time, Caleb and I were on our honeymoon in Banff, Alberta, Canada; where we got caught in a blizzard on a glacier! OK, it wasn't really a blizzard, but for us Southern Californians it might as WELL have been a blizzard. I was as unprepared for the weather then as I was this weekend in Sequoia (note the tennies I'm wearing and the attempt to warm my head with my hooded sweatshirt). Sequoia was supposed to be "75 and sunny" but was actually "37 and snowing." Its funny how life repeats itself. I bought a gift shop sweatshirt so I could have another layer of protection against the unseasonably cold weather.

Its weird to think we've just celebrated our 1st wedding anniversary. Does that mean I can't use wedding pictures for gifts anymore?!! And supposedly our "newlywed" excuse is over. But I'm going to buck that arbitrary rule ... I still FEEL like a newlywed.

Our whole four days of vacation were great. We rested, we hiked, we watched movies and ate too many sugary treats. We even stopped at the outlet center in Tulare and did some shopping on our way home. Considering the next couple months are going to be pretty busy ones, the lazy weekend was not only re-energizing, I think we'll find it to have been quite necessary

Posted by hjw at 9:21 PM | Permalink | Comments

There's still quite a bit of work to do on some of these photos, and I haven't edited the number of tree pictures down to the few best ones (so there's a lot right now), but here are pictures from our trip to Sequoia. We had SUCH a good and restful trip. I don't really even mind being back at work today. Have fun browsing pictures, and I'll fill you in more later on just how the rest of our trip went (it DID eventually warm up!).

Sequoia, May 4-7, 2007

Posted by hjw at 11:30 AM | Permalink | Comments

I checked the forecast the other day, in order to know how to pack for our getaway weekend in Sequoia. I based all my packing on it’s information, information that said this weekend would be warm and sunny. I packed tank tops and a skirt, wore flip flops in the car, and didn’t even grab a sweatshirt for “just in case.” However, on arriving in the mountains of Sequoia National Park, I did not find 75 and sunny as had been predicted. Oh no. I found fog. LOTS of fog. The curvy road up the mountain was shrouded almost entirely in clouds, sometimes so thick we couldn’t see more than 50 feet ahead of us. And by the time we reached the lodge where we’re staying, it was actually snowing. SNOWING! It was cold, and it was … SNOWING!

Fortunately, I did bring shoes other than flip flops, and I did bring a jacket. Though if we find a decently priced sweatshirt in the visitor center tomorrow, I just might have to buy it. I’d rather be out thirty bucks than cold and miserable all weekend. But we’ll see, maybe tomorrow the weather will read its own report and realize how wrong it was, and adjust accordingly.

At any rate, we’re here. We’re in Sequoia, and despite the unexpected weather, its truly beautiful. What I love so much about the forest is how lush and green it is. And right now there are spring flowers blooming everywhere. Even as we gaze up at the tall trees (the tops of which we can’t see right now, on account of the fog), the forest floor is carpeted in yellows and purples. We’ve already seen two sets of deer today, feeding on the forest’s bounty. The woman who checked us in to our room said the bears have been really active too, so I’m kind of hoping we get to see one of them, albeit from far away.

Having just been in Death Valley two months ago, I can’t help but notice the stark contrast between a place like this and the desert. The desert is painted monochromatically in browns and tans, the forest in various shades of green, dotted with an abundance of wildflower colors. The desert is dry and hot and windy, the forest is wet, and most of the wind and sun are blocked by the density of the trees. Where everything in the desert that grows can only get knee high, here in the forest we’re among some of the world’s tallest trees, the Sequoia. And yet, both places have a distinct beauty all their own, each to be appreciated for their uniqueness.

What these two places DO have in common is their grandeur. The desert is wide open and vast, and full of its own mystery (how DO plants survive in a climate that sees ¼” of rain a year?). The forest is dense with plant and animal life, not to mention trees that seem to break all the rules of life span and height requirements. Whether it’s the desert or the forest, God’s hand is most definitely evident. And I find myself in awe of his creativity, having created both places, both climates, the lives that survive and thrive in each. The differences are extreme, and yet the same things can be experienced in both … an awe of God, an ability to breathe easier as you take in the beauty that surrounds you, and of course … vacation!

We got up at 5 this morning, on time believe it or not. We were actually in the car and driving away, figuring we had everything we needed, by 6:00 a.m. (not knowing we’d need mittens, scarves and skis). Our only stops were the bank and the gas station, and then we were on our way. We hit almost NO traffic … perfect. By the time we got to Grapevine, that growing little metropolis at the bottom of the other side of the Grapevine (they’re even building an In ‘N Out!) we were hungry, a worthy excuse to stop at Starbucks, where we got breakfast and coffee. Mmmmm. We didn’t stop again but for gas in Tulare. We arrived at the lodge by noon. After checking in, we ate an overpriced lunch in the lodge, and then got ourselves settled in our room … at which time, we both promptly fell asleep. (One of our goals on this trip is to rest and relax as much as possible, so a long nap fit perfectly into our plan.)

As I write, its about 6:45, and Caleb is out taking pictures. He’s been out there for about 45 minutes, as the fog seemed to have lifted a bit. Although, as I look out the window now it does seem to be coming back. Oh well, its perfect weather for a nice cozy evening INSIDE watching movies and eating too many homemade chocolate chip cookies.

Caleb’s back from his adventure, so tata for now. I’ll check in again soon.

Posted by hjw at 9:03 PM | Permalink | Comments

I just finished reading a book by Edward P. Jones called The Known World. It has to be one of the most fascinating books I’ve ever read. The fascination lies in its unique setting, as well as its unique storytelling. First of all, the novel takes place in the South in pre-Civil War times, and follows the lives of a black landowner who owns black slaves. Second of all, the writing style is the most tangential I’ve ever read, where single paragraphs will begin with a boy and end 30 years later with his wife’s aunt. And yet, as tangential as the writing tends to be, the story is very fluid, I was never lost, and I don’t believe a single word is wasted or unimportant to the overall story.

The story mostly follows the life of a former slave, Henry, whose parents bought him out of slavery when he was a child. He grows up to own land himself, and eventually buys his first slave from the man who once owned him. This first slave, Moses, becomes the overseer on his plantation. In just several years time the plantation flourishes, Henry marries, and he owns more than 20 slaves.

But in his early 30s, Henry dies, leaving his wife behind to run the plantation. She ends up entrusting much of the responsibility to Moses, and from there the story takes a number of turns, mostly resulting in everything falling apart. There are other key characters in the story, including the sheriff; Henry’s former owner, Mr. Robbins; Henry’s freed parents; and the other slaves on the plantation. As Mr. Jones weaves his tale, the deepest and basest parts of our most common human traits are manifested in the various characters and the parts they play.

Another part of what makes this story so fascinating is that it is far from being wholly about racism. This is seen most clearly in the character of Henry himself. He’s just trying to make his way in the world, and as he attains wealth, owning slaves becomes a part of life, just like any other wealthy landowner in the South. Its just the way things were done. Slavery is not so much a white/black issue as it is a human heart issue.

I encourage you to read this novel if you get a chance. It really is extremely well and uniquely written, eloquently tackling a topic I imagine few authors would even attempt.

The Known World by Edward P. Jones

Posted by hjw at 3:04 PM | Permalink | Comments

Posted by hjw at 7:37 AM | Permalink | Comments

The Rich Ruler: Luke 18:18-30

"All these I have kept since I was a boy," he said.

When Jesus heard this, he said to him, "You still lack one thing. Sell everything you have and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me."

When he heard this, he became very sad, because he was a man of great wealth. Jesus looked at him and said, "How hard it is for the rich to enter the kingdom of God! Indeed, it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God."

Those who heard this asked, "Who then can be saved?"

Jesus replied, "What is impossible with men is possible with God."

Peter said to him, "We have left all we had to follow you!"

"I tell you the truth," Jesus said to them, "no one who has left home or wife or brothers or parents or children for the sake of the kingdom of God will fail to receive many times as much in this age and, in the age to come, eternal life."

I have recently been reading through the book of Luke, mostly in an attempt to get to know Jesus again. With all the things we can study and learn about, sometimes I find myself far removed from the person of Christ, the Lover and Savior of my soul. And so I go back to the gospels and I read them like a novel. I like the story of Jesus, from virgin birth to ministry to death and resurrection and the promise to be with us even as we wait for his return. Spending time with Jesus is good for my soul.

I know this story of the rich ruler, its a story we all know well. This time however, I was struck by two things in particular. First: the ruler's sadness. It shows the true state of his heart, which Jesus knew full well. I don't think he was quite prepared for what would be required of him. And so Jesus puts before him the most difficult dilemma this man could face. But second: I am struck by Jesus' response. Yes, he might as well pull a camel through a needle if he's going to try and follow God on his own. But Jesus ALSO says "what is impossible with men is possible with God."

Though the Bible tells us nothing more about the rich ruler and whether or not he chose to forsake his wealth and follow Jesus, the point is that he could, if he wanted to ... he just needed to trust that God could do amazing things for him and through him. On his own, he'd have so sew with camels. With God, those sewing needles would be 15 feet tall and the eye 10 feet wide for the camels to walk through five at a time.

Sometimes I wonder what I've written off as impossible, things God wanted to do for me or through me. What am I allowing to get the better of me? What continues to defeat me that God wants to help me conquer? Or what leaps of faith do I not take, simply because I forget that NOTHING is impossible with God?

Posted by hjw at 6:15 PM | Permalink | Comments