30 April 2007

make him an offer he can't refuse

This weekend Caleb and I watched the first two Godfather movies (as we all know, the third is only worth watching for the moment when Michael Corleone, utterly alone in the world, dies and falls off the chair he was sitting on). Anyway, I would just like to take this moment to say that I am supremely glad that I am not the daughter of, wife of, or even friend of, the head of a mafia family.

That being said, the movies are brilliant, and if you don't mind a little bloodshed in the name of family, I can't help but recommend them.

Posted by hjw at 9:53 AM | | Comments

25 April 2007

a change in the routine

As you know, Caleb and I get up early most mornings to head to the gym and work out. And as you know, I pretty much hate it every morning. By the time I'm all the way awake, about 45 minutes later, I'm usually glad that I was unwillingly pulled out of my nice cozy bed and happy sleeping. There are mornings I choose to sleep instead of go the gym, and even though the sleep is happy and my husband has an abuse-free morning, I usually end up missing the morning work out. Though I hate to admit it, its invigorating, energizing, and gets my day started off with a spurt of energy I wouldn't otherwise have.

Well, thanks to Daylight Savings, and longer days in general, we decided it was time to change up the morning routine a bit. Also, we have this big hike coming up in September, and we simply need to be out training for that. So this morning, instead of driving to the gym, we hiked up the hill behind our home, all the way up to the water reservoir. Its a pretty solid uphill hike, and takes about 25 minutes to get there. We have to walk along the street for about 7 minutes before we reach the trail head, but once we leave the road and the sound of the passing cars (not that many at 5:55 a.m.), it was nothing but Caleb and me and the trail.

It was too early for the sun to have actually popped up over the horizon, but it was light enough to turn the sky a light blue and the few wisps of clouds various shades of orange and pink. It was crisp and cool, but not too cold. As we walked up the rolling hills there were bunnies crossing back and forth across the path, spring flowers here and there to be admired, and enough chirping birds to rival the sounds of the road below. It was perfect.

As we climbed and my heart started pumping, I felt more awake than I usually do at that hour. There is just something rejuvenating about being out in the open, walking on real ground instead of manufactured machine rubber. Up at the water tower, the highest point on our little neighborhood hike, slightly out of breath, we could see for miles in every direction, even faintly picking out the skyline of L.A. Its a great little view.

As the responsibilities of the day began calling, we headed back down and home, the whole trip taking no more than 45 minutes. Of all the early morning workouts I've endured over the past six months, this has by far been my favorite. We're going to start doing this a little more regularly, not only in preparation for the upcoming Mt. Langley hike, but just to start the day by enjoying the great outdoors.

Posted by hjw at 7:41 AM | | Comments

20 April 2007

Joy & Happiness: Cont'd

Several days ago in church, our pastor spoke on the difference between Joy and Happiness. This being such a key theme in my life lately, I sat in rapt attention. And then on Wednesday night, at Bible study, we had a chance to expound a bit, discuss, and take it a little more to heart. And today I find myself still full of swirling thoughts on the subject, thoughts that simply need a place to land so I can put some kind of order to them.

As Pastor Rick pointed out, we in this country consider the pursuit of happiness our right. And pursue it we do, often with a vengeance, and often to our detriment. We seek money and fame and beauty and significance and acceptance and belonging, all in the pursuit of happiness. Now, I don’t think the pursuit of these things is necessarily wrong or bad. But I do think we each need to search our souls to discover what truly makes us happy. I did an exercise earlier and wrote a list of the things that make me happy ... and by and large they didn’t involve most of the things advertised as happiness makers. (See my previous blog entry.) I think it is a good exercise for anyone, to think through the things that truly bring a smile to your face.

The bottom line here is that happiness is largely based on our circumstances. When I’ve had enough sleep, I’m happy. When Jack Bauer comes on Monday nights to save the world yet again, I’m happy. When I’m eating chocolate, spending time with my husband, taking a long nap on a cold day ... I’m happy. Happiness is wound around and throughout my personality, my gifts and talents, my desires and hopes and dreams.

But Joy ... Joy is an entirely different beast, if you will. Joy comes from a much deeper place, the very core of our beings. Joy is not based on who’s made it through another round of American Idol or the weather, my health, how busy Disneyland is or how tired I am. Its not dependent on the color of my walls or how clean my house is, whether I had a fight with my husband or got stuck in traffic to and from work. Joy is something that reaches beyond these things, beyond the physical world around me and, ideally, beyond my own emotions and feelings. And yet, I would hypothesize that even more than happiness, joy is more attainable than happiness (well and it's a command, so its hard to get around pursuing it [see I Thess. 5:16]).

Joy is inextricably tied to my relationship with God. A relationship that of late, honestly, has waned in its dedication. Lately I have found myself longing for Joy, for something to transcend my circumstances, the ins and outs of everyday life, and put a smile on my face and a peace in my heart. This week’s discussion of joy and happiness has finally brought this unsteadiness of heart and mind to the forefront, and forced me to look it full in the face.

Fortunately, a few reminders have been placed before me during this week's discourse that in and of themselves have brought a renewed sense of Joy, and with it, Peace and Happiness. The verse that spoke most clearly to me last night at Bible study was Psalm 100:1-3 “Shout joyfully to the Lord, all the earth. Serve the Lord with gladness; come before Him with joyful singing. Know that the Lord Himself is God; It is He who has made us, and not we ourselves; we are His people and the sheep of His pasture.”

There are three basic truths that, when known to be true, I believe can bring a profound sense of Joy to our lives.

1. Serve the Lord with gladness. There is Joy in knowing that I am exactly where God wants me to be. I am following the path he set before me. And, whether the day is good or bad, I know I am where He wants me to be, and there is peace and joy in that knowledge.

2. Know that the Lord Himself is God. He is God. He is good. He is powerful. He is omniscient and present in my life. When we remember what an awesome God we serve, and take pleasure in that, there is Joy.

3. We are his people and the sheep of his pasture. I am a child of God, he will not let me fall or stumble, he will not only guide me but hold me up when I need it. And, perhaps most importantly of all, my future is secure. I have a hope that surpasses any hope on this earth, a hope that is certain. When I rest in that hope, there is fullness of Joy. How can there be anything else?

And so as I pursue Joy, I find myself meditating on these three things: knowing that I am where God wants me to be; that I serve an all-powerful and knowing God, a good God; and that I am his child, and my eternity is secure.

May you find Joy today as you also meditate on these things. And thanks to Pastor Rick and my Bible study group for helping me make complete sentences out of the swirling words in my head.

Posted by hjw at 7:25 AM | | Comments

19 April 2007

things that make me happy: an exercise

This past week we've been talking a lot in church and Bible study about the difference between Joy and Happiness. The easy one to nail down is Happiness. Happiness is largely dependent on my circumstances, which in some cases, I can control. So, I thought I'd do an exercise, and just bring to mind the things that make me happy. Even as I begin thinking about these things, its hard not to smile.

This is the Chinese character for "double happiness," used for weddings and entrances to homes. You might notice there are two identical characters standing side by side. One character alone is the word for happiness, "xi" (pronounced "shee"). The two together are "xuang xi," or "double happiness" ... twice the happiness, and a fitting word for today's thoughts.

Following is a list of some of the things that foster happiness.



Sunny days that hover at around 72 degrees, with a slight breeze that blows my hair around

Friends’ new babies … there is definitely something awesome and precious and miraculous and wonderful about bringing a new life into the world (Congrats again to Carlynne, Darcy and Cori [pictured] … looking forward to Donna’s and Alicia’s!)

Coffee … first the scent, and then the flavor … especially good with a little chocolate and peppermint mixed in


Chocolate … in just about all its forms, but especially in the form of Harry & David truffles … dark chocolate and mint flavors

Sleeping in

Long naps on a chilly day in a warm bed

Fresh cut flowers brought home by my husband for no other reason than he felt like it

A clean house

That sense of perseverance and accomplishment AFTER I’ve worked out in the morning

A full, busy day at work, where I felt needed and important


Death Valley … with its big sky, miles of dirt roads and abundance of life, despite the harsh conditions, its one of the few places in the world where I feel I can breathe deeply

Disneyland, on a cool weekday in February when there’s almost no one else there



Puppies who will grow into Great Danes or Golden Retrievers or Huskies … or Pugs

Family gatherings, where everyone is talking at the same time and no one can finish their stories, and yet there’s nothing but laughter filling the air

Eating tomato soup and a grilled cheese sandwich on a rainy day while watching a Sandra Bullock chick flick


The Redwood forest … walking among those tallest of living things, the Redwoods, along the forest floor carpeted with ferns and soft red bark … another place to breathe deeply of the silence and the stillness, and the grandness of our Creator … it also brings back a lot of childhood camping memories

Getting off a seemingly interminable plane flight after being gone a long time to be greeted at the airport with signs and balloons and hugs from those missed most

Visiting new places and experiencing new cultures … the world is full of intrigue to be sought and explored

Coming home to find the dishes done

Four-day weekends spent on an adventure somewhere other than at home

Decorating

A particularly cleansing sneeze


Broccoli

Getting my hair cut

Crossing things off my list … even if they weren’t on my list to start with, it feels so good to write it down, just so I can cross it off

Spending $10 at the movie theater and having the movie exceed my expectations




A night out with the girls, gabbing until our throats are sore

Getting to the cash register with a true treasure, only to have it ring up for less than I was prepared to pay

Reaching the summit of a tall mountain and feeling not only the sense of the accomplishment, but like I’m literally standing on top of the world.

My husband

Angels Baseball (thanks to my husband, I've come to a true appreciation of a good baseball game)

A shopping day where I find a good parking space and everything fabulous is in my size and on sale

Getting lost in a good book

Hearing a really good song for the first time and then spending days trying to figure out what its called and who sings it ... and then buying it on iTunes only to play it so much I get sick of it

Funny and clever commercials

Getting on the scale to find another pound lost

Pedicures

And so much more ... Life is so full of things to enjoy ... and I needed to remember that. This exercise has pulled me out of the funk I've been in for a few days, a funk whose origin I could not place, and so seemed ridiculous to be feeling anyway. God is good and has blessed me too richly to spend much time feeling funky. Have a happy day!


And what about you?? What makes YOU happy?

Posted by hjw at 6:06 PM | | Comments

15 April 2007

our small comedy of errors

Caleb and I have "thrown our hats over the fence," so to speak, and gotten ourselves permits to hike Mt. Langley, a 14,000+ foot peak near Mt. Whitney. Our reservation is for Labor Day weekend, the first weekend in September. So we decided it was time to start stretching our hiking legs. So on Saturday we decided to go out and test our hiking legs. We went out to San Jacinto, near Palm Springs. But the day didn't go entirely as planned ...

First of all, we woke up an hour late. We'd planned on being out of the house by 7, at San Jacinto by 8 or so, with lots of time to hike. But we didn't leave the house until 8.

We planned on a one-hour drive, but it ended up taking us 2 hours to get up the mountain to Idyllwild, now putting us 2 hours behind our original plan. The first thing we had to do was fill out a day-hiker pass at the ranger station. We filled that out, grabbed the carbon copy for ourselves, then headed to the trail head, just 1/4 mile or so away. As we started grabbing our stuff, we had a small debate about the day-pass we'd just filled out. Do we take it with us? Or is it supposed to stay in the car? We couldn't remember what the sign said, and there were no instructions on the blue pass itself, so we decided to leave it in the car. Besides, the odds of actually running into a ranger on the trail were pretty slim.

Before we headed out, we decided to find a bathroom first, and there was a nature center just across the street. So we threw our bags in the cab, locked the doors, and headed across the street. Within about a minute Caleb suddenly realized he'd put his keys in his pack, and the pack was in the locked car. Yep, we'd locked ourselves out. NOW what?

Well, what's another hour behind, at this point? We still needed to go the bathroom, and there were probably rangers in the nature center who could help us out, so we kept walking. Inside the rangers loaned us a phone, and even the number for AAA (being as how our wallets were also locked inside the car). As we were arriving back at the truck, so was the mechanic.

I could have sworn our mechanic was the pirate from Pirates of the Caribbean who was always losing his wooden eye. He looked like him, AND he had the same accent! But he was a very nice man and had us in the truck in about 10 minutes. We filled out the information he needed, grabbed our packs, double checked the keys were inside, and finally headed out on our way. It was now 11:00, and we were 3 hours behind schedule.



But, we still had most of a beautiful day in which left to hike, so we headed off still in pretty high spirits. The trail was a nice one, littered with only pine needles and pine cones. It was a pretty steady climb, and right off the bat I could definitely feel that I hadn't been out hiking in a long time. But it was a perfect day to be out, so I ignored the tightness in my legs.

About an hour into our hike, the odds we'd played earlier about the day-hike pass finally played out, and we lost. As we were heading up the trail, a park ranger was making her way down the trail. She said hi, and then asked us for our pass. Of all the hikes we'd been on, we'd NEVER run into a ranger on the trail! Well, we managed to talk ourselves out of getting cited, PROMISING her it was in the dash of our black truck sitting in the parking area at the trail head. She believed us, and said she'd check. She let us go on our way (even though she had every right to not only cite us, but make us head back down the trail and get our pass). But the rules were very confusing.

The rest of the hike was beautiful. We stopped for lunch about an hour and a half later, sitting on a rock in the sun, enjoying having the packs off our backs for a few minutes. We made it four miles up the trail before turning back, at which time a storm came rolling in, dropping the temperatures quite a bit. We threw on jackets and started heading back down the mountain. I like going down, its faster. But sometimes you still wish for a respite from the jarring the downhill trek does to one's knees and feet. Mine were beginning to ache ... and the further downhill we went, the worse those aches got. I guess I wasn't as ready for an 8-mile hike as I'd originally thought I was. By the time we reached the truck, with the day-pass still staring at us knowingly from the dash board, I was already so sore I didn't know if I could climb in the truck.

And so we headed back home, not too much the worse for wear. There was a birthday party we were still trying to make, so we stopped by Taco Bell for a quick dinner and then headed over to the friend's house in La Habra ... only to THEN learn that the party was in a completely different location in Orange! Par for the course of this day. We left our card at the door, and headed home for long showers and an early night.

It was a long day, with its share of mishaps, and though it left us both pretty sore, it was a good day. And now we know we have quite a bit of training to do before we attempt Mt. Langley. But it was a good day, a beautiful day to be outside. And besides, there's something invigorating about exhausting yourself physically, taking your body farther than you think it can go. Pushing through the pain feels good, an accomplishment of mind over matter. My muscles will heal, and I will be that much closer to being ready to climb the big mountain in September. Of course, then we'll be sure to take our passes with us, too.

Posted by hjw at 4:02 PM | | Comments

12 April 2007

home improvement



As many of you know, Caleb and I have been spending a lot of time on the weekends doing some painting and cleaning and rearranging of our home. The process has not been without its frustrations and hold-ups, but I'm proud to say we've finally finished most of the big and time-consuming things we wanted to do. Its fun having a "new" place to come home to. My favorite part of what we've done is our big plum walls. It adds definite punch to the soft grey-green of the rest of the condo. We still need to hang pictures up and there's a lot we'd like to do in the patio. Its been fun, and very newlywed-ish to fix up our home. Well, and I just love to decorate, so the whole process is like a big creative outlet for me. Take a look at the rest of the pictures here. I'll be sure to add more as we continue decorating.

Posted by hjw at 9:24 PM | | Comments

writer's block

Sometimes I get very much in the mood to write, but can’t think of a single thing to write about. This must be what real writers call writer’s block. Fortunately for me, I don’t have a deadline to meet and my inconsistent and intermittent writing isn’t responsible for putting food on the table. If it were, we’d be in some deep water without a buoy. Of course, were I to actually be treading water somewhere in the Pacific, I’d probably have something dramatic and life-changing to write about ... although, no computer ... or Internet access ... but I digress.

So what do I write about today?

How about the wind. Today has been a particularly windy day in north Orange County (Garth Kemp from ABC news had warned us it would be). When I left my office at the end of the day today, there was a huge pile of dead pine needles, at least two feet high, collected in front of our door. It looked like someone had swept them up and left them there, very much on purpose. But I believe it was actually the wind, swirling about and collecting the pine needles into the corner where our office sits. And then as I drove home there was debris lined up in neat rows along both sides of the roads, kept there by the countless passing vehicles of evening commuters, on their way home. Despite the mess a strong windy day can create, I like it. Yes, it knocked pine cones on to my car all day and snapped tree branches off trees, but it also cleared the air of its regular haze that tends to sit, usually immovable, just above the treetops and buildings. There’s definitely a cleansing that only the wind can accomplish. And I’m a big fan of clean. And therefore, a big fan of wind.

We have an old joke in our family, about how you can’t see the wind, you can only see the effects of the wind. Whenever someone exclaims “Look at the wind!” someone else simply can’t resist correcting, “You mean, look at the effects of the wind.” Its a highly overused and somewhat annoying Hammer-family correction, but we say it anyway. Like when anyone in the house would ask for a hammer, and whoever happened to be nearby would simply say, “I’m a Hammer.” It never gets old, even though it hasn’t actually been funny for years.

Anyway, I’m sure the wind and its effects provide some great metaphors for life (though I’m drawing a bit of a blank right now). It can be cleansing, push in the cool air or the warm air, when powerful enough it can transplant everything from small bushes to large houses. There can be no denying the wind exists ... and yet, the wind itself cannot be seen. You can only see what it has done after its been here (unless you’re a weather man, then sometimes you can predict what the wind will do, like Garth Kemp). I have heard people liken the Holy Spirit to the wind, but I think it actually a weak metaphor for Someone as powerful as God’s Spirit. And the wind is controlled by weather patterns, whereas the Holy Spirit has a will all His own. So that’s not a great example. Sometimes phases and seasons in our lives are like the wind, usually only seeing how they’ve changed us long after they’ve passed. Yes, I think that’s a much better metaphor. And actually, its a metaphor that would involve the Holy Spirit, because I believe He is responsible for any change of heart or growth of character of which we might boast, especially if the times that cause that change are difficult ones. Its impossible to get through hard times well when the Holy Spirit isn’t comforting us and praying for us.

Well, it would appear as though I came up with something to write about after all. Its probably far from life-changing, but it gave me a chance to put words together in sentences and paragraphs, one of my favorite pastimes. Thanks for reading.

Posted by hjw at 9:21 PM | | Comments

11 April 2007

spam

This morning I opened my email inbox to find that I had only four messages, all of which were spam! (I know what you’re thinking, “only four spam emails?!” The ones that get through my spam filters are the REALLY sneaky ones.) Lands’ End wanted me to check out their new totes and Pottery Barn is having a big sale (meaning their merchandise is on its way to a somewhat reasonable price). Spam is such a tease in the world of electronic communication. I open my box to see that little number in bold … 4. I eagerly click on the inbox link, to see just which four people couldn’t live another day without communicating with me. I wait impatiently as the page loads to solve for me the first mystery of the morning … only to find, once again, that some stranger out there has found just the right job for me, the perfect mate to fill my heart with joy for the rest of my days, or how to be a millionaire by the end of the week. Wow, just imagine if the spammers’ promises were true! What perfectly fulfilling and happy lives we’d all be living, full of Pottery Barn furniture for which we were smart enough not to pay full price and Lands’ End totes with our initials on them. Hm, maybe I should start paying more attention to the spam in my inbox.

Posted by hjw at 6:33 AM | | Comments

05 April 2007

the blessings of waiting

As of tomorrow, April 6, 2007, I will have been married for 11 months. Yep, you guessed it, I’m just ONE MONTH from celebrating my first wedding anniversary. WEDDING anniversary! Are you getting that? I’m married, and have been for almost a YEAR. How did that happen? I feel like it was just yesterday Caleb and I had only been dating a month! The day after that we were planning a wedding. Two days after that we had begun living happily ever after in a two-bedroom condo in Fullerton. And now I’m to believe its time to celebrate a year of marriage, even though by my calculations we’ve only been together four days!

And yet, so much has happened in the last two years, I suppose I couldn’t possibly have gone through it all in less time. A year ago I took on a new name, a new home, a new job, and a new roommate. All those changes left me a bit off balance for a while as I tried to make sense of my new surroundings. But as I look back, even over this relatively short period of time, I find myself rather amazed at what’s transpired.

I cook at home now, regularly, and more than just macaroni and cheese or instant noodles. I get up at 5:45 every morning to work out (though am still not what they call “a morning person”). I weigh 16 pounds less than I used to. I’ve learned the names of every player on the Anaheim Angels baseball team. I’ve climbed mountains and combed deserts. I’ve been to Canada. I’ve discovered its OK to buy gifts right off someone’s Christmas wish list. I’ve learned to respond to “Mrs. Weston” and I’ve almost gotten used to the shiny rocks on my finger. I’ve learned more about the financial industry than I ever thought I’d know, and really ever wanted to know. I’ve decorated a Christmas tree with someone else’s ornaments, and found it still felt like home. I’ve made friends I didn’t have two years ago, good enough friends to hang out with at Denny’s on a school night. I’ve learned more about myself and my own shortcomings than I have in a long time. Its hard, but its good. And along with that, I’ve had the opportunity to experience being loved in spite of them. I’ve learned there are desserts out there that are not chocolate, but still tasty. I’ve learned that playing games can be fun. I’ve continued to learn how expensive life can be and that a budget IS freedom, but also that the important things in life aren’t really for sale anyway.

This past year has been a big year. It ranks up there with that first year in China, when everything was new and strange and fun and adventurous and stressful and unknown. I feel like I’ve spent this whole year getting my “sea legs,” so to speak. And the transition alone has left me regularly exhausted. I can’t say I’ve arrived at a state of total normalcy yet, though the surroundings are starting to feel familiar. I am getting used to waking up with a man in my bed, a man who drags me OUT of bed at 5:45 in the morning and makes me go to the gym. (He gets abused at first, but I’m always appreciative once I’ve woken up.) I’m getting used to my new job, though there’s still so much I don’t understand. There are people in my life who never even knew me as Heidi Hammer, and its weird, but helps me adjust to my new name. And it didn’t take me any time at all to learn to LOVE coming home at the end of the day to the one man who is even more the man of my dreams today than he was a year ago (in spite of his early morning cheeriness).

Maybe that’s the best part of this whole first year of marriage. I have learned and grown and been stretched and challenged. I’ve laughed, I’ve cried, I’ve stared at the wall and wondered how I’d get through another day as tired as I was. But between the ups and downs, the one thing I have not ONCE done is doubted my decision to marry Caleb. I think that might be the best blessing of all. I waited a long time to get married (though not as long as some). I’ll celebrate my first anniversary just a month before I turn 32. And there were many times in those single years I doubted God’s goodness, I wondered if anyone would find me beautiful, and I could have made some hasty and wrong decisions about my future. But I love that I can say I waited for God’s provision. I love that I waited for Caleb and he waited for me. God did that. I know I am still very much a newlywed, and I have only begun to learn the volumes of lessons marriage will teach us. But I imagine the coming years will be infinitely better because I waited for Caleb, God’s choice for me.

Besides, how else would I ever have learned just how important Vladimir Guerrero is to the Angels?

Posted by hjw at 9:37 PM | | Comments

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