the haves, the needs, and the wants
Over Christmas I had the pleasure of taking a full week off work. It actually turned out to be 10 straight days work-free. On the days not filled with holiday or birthday activities, we didn't go anywhere or do anything out of the ordinary. My goal was to be free to get other things done, free to stay up late and sleep in, free to watch movies at noon and go shopping for longer than my lunch break allows. I had big plans for my vacation. Plans to rest, and yet be productive.
But I'm afraid I discovered some alarming things about myself. I like to think of myself as one of those people who knows myself well, and one who actually knows how to say no to activities, and balance my life between rest and productivity. But, as it turns out, I'm wondering if either of these things are true (to a certain extent anyway).
I got to the end of my 10-day break and found that I was tired, not quite ready to go back to work, and though I'd gotten a lot done, I'd discovered twice as much yet to do! How can one rest when there is so much to do!? If I rest, then the dishes might not get done, the afghan might not get finished ... and heaven forbid, the laundry might sit dirty on the floor for another day. NOOOO!
In ruminating on these alarming revelations, I decided that life can be divided up into three main categories: the haves, the needs, and the wants. Let me explain. The "haves" are the things we HAVE to do. I have to go to work, I have to make and eat meals, I have to sleep. The "needs" are the things I NEED to do. I need to do the dishes, I need to do grocery shopping, I need to exercise and eat right, I need to do laundry, I need to finish the afghan, I need to pick up the dry cleaning and buy that thing for our friend. The "wants" are the things I WANT to do (my favorite category). I want to go shopping for as long as I want, I want to sleep in, I want to watch a movie, I want to go out to eat, I want to eat a chocolate brownie with eggnog and NOT gain 16 pounds, I want to paint the walls, I want 5:45 a.m. to feel like 10.
Life is spent juggling these three: the haves, needs and wants. And what I've discovered I let happen is that I let the haves and the needs push the "wants" right into 2013. Unfortunately, I'm sure when 2013 is finally here, more haves and needs will have filled it up too. But for now, I'm optimistic.
However, when we completely disregard the wants in our lives, our lives become burdensome, quarrelsome, haggard, sapped, stressed. The wants are the things that fight stress with relaxation, quarrels with conversation, and burdens with freedom. When I'm doing something I want and enjoy, my whole body relaxes, and my attitude becomes sunny. I usually hear birds singing. The wants too easily get rescheduled, endlessly, because they do not have the priority of haves or needs. And yet, my hypothesis today is that our wants are actually needs ... and at some points in our lives, to save our sanity and our relationships, they are haves.
(One other thing I've discovered, though I hate to admit it, I think my Aunt Jean might be more and more right [something I'm sure she never doubted.] Its quite possible I might be an introvert. For me, my needs need to include not just down time, but alone time. I need time that is just mine, to do whatever I please, by myself. I am re-energized, replenished, refreshed when I get "me time." But, having thought for years [apparently erroneously] that I am an extrovert, I've never made "me time" a priority. It was a want at best. But I am beginning to truly believe that for me, its actually a need.)
So let me conclude by admonishing you, dear Reader, along with me, to seek balance between the haves, needs and wants in our lives. First we must make sure that we've identified what those things are (do you NEED or do you WANT a pedicure ... do you NEED or do you WANT to do the dishes ... do you NEED or do you HAVE to eat a brownie???). Second, we must figure out a way to let all three make their ways into our daily lives. Do not abandon the wants!
Not long ago I read an article on happiness that I ended up saving. It still sits in a Word document on my computer desktop. I found it fascinating because the author proposed that many people aren't happy because they don't really know what makes them happy. We're encouraged to seek money, beauty, fame, status, fancy cars and expensive clothes. And though these things bring an element of happiness (I'd certainly be willing to test the theory), the things that often bring the most happiness tend to be things like a walk in the sand, a hot bath, a chocolate brownie (yes, I see the theme), sitting on the couch for hours reading a book, a nap, time with your spouse or a best friend spent doing "nothing." Harvard psychologist Daniel Gilbert suggests fitting some of these things into our daily lives if we're seeking contenment with day-to-day life.
*caviat*
Someone once told me that if we could attain balance in our lives we wouldn't need God. Though a somewhat simple observation about faith, I find it to be true. It is my inability to find balance on my own that leaves me stressed out at times, tired at times, unhappy and lacking joy ... and the only way to truly counteract that is to seek God. Because I will ALWAYS be incapable of achieving it on my own. We ARE imperfect, and balance never really will be found (though I don't think that is an excuse to stop pursuing it). It is our imperfect nature that leaves us in such need of a God who is loving and merciful, in spite of our imbalance. And truly, it is in HIM true happiness and contentment can be found. And in Him alone.
But I'm afraid I discovered some alarming things about myself. I like to think of myself as one of those people who knows myself well, and one who actually knows how to say no to activities, and balance my life between rest and productivity. But, as it turns out, I'm wondering if either of these things are true (to a certain extent anyway).
I got to the end of my 10-day break and found that I was tired, not quite ready to go back to work, and though I'd gotten a lot done, I'd discovered twice as much yet to do! How can one rest when there is so much to do!? If I rest, then the dishes might not get done, the afghan might not get finished ... and heaven forbid, the laundry might sit dirty on the floor for another day. NOOOO!
In ruminating on these alarming revelations, I decided that life can be divided up into three main categories: the haves, the needs, and the wants. Let me explain. The "haves" are the things we HAVE to do. I have to go to work, I have to make and eat meals, I have to sleep. The "needs" are the things I NEED to do. I need to do the dishes, I need to do grocery shopping, I need to exercise and eat right, I need to do laundry, I need to finish the afghan, I need to pick up the dry cleaning and buy that thing for our friend. The "wants" are the things I WANT to do (my favorite category). I want to go shopping for as long as I want, I want to sleep in, I want to watch a movie, I want to go out to eat, I want to eat a chocolate brownie with eggnog and NOT gain 16 pounds, I want to paint the walls, I want 5:45 a.m. to feel like 10.
Life is spent juggling these three: the haves, needs and wants. And what I've discovered I let happen is that I let the haves and the needs push the "wants" right into 2013. Unfortunately, I'm sure when 2013 is finally here, more haves and needs will have filled it up too. But for now, I'm optimistic.
However, when we completely disregard the wants in our lives, our lives become burdensome, quarrelsome, haggard, sapped, stressed. The wants are the things that fight stress with relaxation, quarrels with conversation, and burdens with freedom. When I'm doing something I want and enjoy, my whole body relaxes, and my attitude becomes sunny. I usually hear birds singing. The wants too easily get rescheduled, endlessly, because they do not have the priority of haves or needs. And yet, my hypothesis today is that our wants are actually needs ... and at some points in our lives, to save our sanity and our relationships, they are haves.
(One other thing I've discovered, though I hate to admit it, I think my Aunt Jean might be more and more right [something I'm sure she never doubted.] Its quite possible I might be an introvert. For me, my needs need to include not just down time, but alone time. I need time that is just mine, to do whatever I please, by myself. I am re-energized, replenished, refreshed when I get "me time." But, having thought for years [apparently erroneously] that I am an extrovert, I've never made "me time" a priority. It was a want at best. But I am beginning to truly believe that for me, its actually a need.)
So let me conclude by admonishing you, dear Reader, along with me, to seek balance between the haves, needs and wants in our lives. First we must make sure that we've identified what those things are (do you NEED or do you WANT a pedicure ... do you NEED or do you WANT to do the dishes ... do you NEED or do you HAVE to eat a brownie???). Second, we must figure out a way to let all three make their ways into our daily lives. Do not abandon the wants!
Not long ago I read an article on happiness that I ended up saving. It still sits in a Word document on my computer desktop. I found it fascinating because the author proposed that many people aren't happy because they don't really know what makes them happy. We're encouraged to seek money, beauty, fame, status, fancy cars and expensive clothes. And though these things bring an element of happiness (I'd certainly be willing to test the theory), the things that often bring the most happiness tend to be things like a walk in the sand, a hot bath, a chocolate brownie (yes, I see the theme), sitting on the couch for hours reading a book, a nap, time with your spouse or a best friend spent doing "nothing." Harvard psychologist Daniel Gilbert suggests fitting some of these things into our daily lives if we're seeking contenment with day-to-day life.
*caviat*
Someone once told me that if we could attain balance in our lives we wouldn't need God. Though a somewhat simple observation about faith, I find it to be true. It is my inability to find balance on my own that leaves me stressed out at times, tired at times, unhappy and lacking joy ... and the only way to truly counteract that is to seek God. Because I will ALWAYS be incapable of achieving it on my own. We ARE imperfect, and balance never really will be found (though I don't think that is an excuse to stop pursuing it). It is our imperfect nature that leaves us in such need of a God who is loving and merciful, in spite of our imbalance. And truly, it is in HIM true happiness and contentment can be found. And in Him alone.
One of my HUGEST (is that a word?) Needs, haves and wants is to be RIGHT!!! Thank you thank you thank you for fulfilling that need...definately and introvert! (One of the friendliest, most outgoiing introverts I've ever met!)
Loved the article and must say, as I've said before...you need to write MORE! You are gifted!
love, Aunt Jean
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